Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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