just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
