Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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