so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
