is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
