i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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