you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
