Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
