Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
