shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
