In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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