she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
