somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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