I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
