All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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