guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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