I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
