8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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