I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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