He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ladies don't puke and tell
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
