I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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