I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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