I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
