I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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