I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
