Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
