Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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