What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
