Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
