i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
birth control should be required to get into college
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
