So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
