I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
