I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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