you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize