Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
