i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
