Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
