So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
