i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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