tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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