Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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