I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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