I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
