Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
