I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
