Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
