I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
