i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
