If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
