Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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