you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
