well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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