i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
