i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize