I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
