all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
