Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
