it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize