I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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