umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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