So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
