I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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