If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize