we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
