Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
