As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
