If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
