No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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